In the face of multiple scientific reports released within the past decade predicting the end of Earth as a viable life-sustaining planet unless drastic environmental measures are taken, a small group of educators have formed a coalition to rework the Common Core State Standards to ensure that upon high school graduation, all students have the knowledge, skills, and mindsets to be "apocalypse-ready".
"At this point, the current emphasis of the CCSS on nonfiction literacy, evidence-based argumentation, and mathematical communication will only prepare American graduates to succeed in the real world for another 50 years at best," Joreen Crandall, head of the coalition, was quoted as saying. "Once our continued consumption of non renewable resources and other economic activities push Earth past its ecological equilibrium, our students will be faced with an entirely different set of challenges from what k-12 schooling is currently preparing them for." Instead, the coalition is focusing efforts to compile and standardize skills and content such as makeshift weaponry, in-group/out-group psychology, and prolonged cannibalism as rigorously as possible. "As our ozone layer nears complete depletion, I feel confident that these reformed standards will ensure that American children survive the devastating onslaught of solar flares at 3, 4, maybe 5 times the rate of Japanese and Finnish children." Crandall added, "We hope to outsource the corresponding standardized assessments to Pearson Education."
To set a timetable for the completion of the new standards to be on par with the rate of environmental decline, the coalition has been monitoring reports released by various Earth Systems scientists. Most recently, researchers published findings showing that four of nine natural planetary boundaries for sustaining human life have already been surpassed. As of press time, the report's national online site had received under 200 pageviews. The EPA could not be reached for comment.
