w00t w00t!!

There's way too much to say about the trial and there's no way I can blog it all up in a short amount of time. I have to go sleep and wake up tomorrow at 4 am. So I'll leave that entry for when I get back from China. Meanwhile, here is a photograph of the ghetto Dream Team (me, Anya, and Sach):

Last Minute Wraps

Dear Readers:

As most of you know, starting Tuesday morning (very, very morning - getting up at 4:30 am, to be exact), I will be in China for three weeks. I don't know if there will be anymore updates before I leave, so if not, I want to take this time to say adios! and that I'll be looking forward to seeing most of you again come September (with armloads of presents from overseas).

Since this may very well be my last post for a while, I want to give some of you readers out there closure on my summer. As you can all tell from my various entries, Sachin and I have become really tight and have shared many an interesting adventure. I will definitely miss him a lot, but as he reminds me - he is just a Chinatown bus away!

Recently, we have also gone to trial on a very big case. Our client was charged with APO (assault on a police officer - more specifically, a US marshal), and this was Anya's first jury trial. The closing arguments will be delivered tomorrow (Monday), and hopefully I will be able to report back to you with a verdict and a blow-by-blow of what unfolded during the trial. It is my hope that if our client is acquitted, I will no longer be (unfairly) known as the "narc" amongst some of you.

Also, much love to Casey Cohen for being a great friend during the summer, giggling and gossiping together behind everybody's backs. Remember, Casey: Ben may be married, but in our hearts, he will always belong to us.


Casey's last day...you rule, girl!

And as for my Hopkinites, I miss you all so very much. I can't wait to see you guys again, and I'm sure senior year will be a blast.

Lastly, thank you all for your loyal and generous support! Although most of the stuff I write is for myself, knowing that you guys are out there reading and loving this stuff really means so much to me. If I ever end up writing that critically-acclaimed novel, you all will be the first group of people I thank in the acknowledgments section. And if not, I'll take you all out for cheeseburgers and sundaes:)

Lots of Love and Hugs,
Amy

P.S. Check out the "Links" section at right to keep you busy during your hours of boredom or insomnia.

* * * * * * * * * *

Rach11rpi: hey Amy, so I feel like a total aim-stalker (which i guess i am), but i've been reading your blog for a while tonight ... and it's totally awesome
Rach11rpi: you know, most people i know who keep blogs have super boring ones and can't write for shit... you've always been a good writer though

McIrishJHU: this shit is hilarilous
McIrishJHU: it had me on the floor laughing one paragraph in
McIrishJHU: and i'm now on the edge of my seat waiting for more
McIrishJHU: last night i was reading an essay by mark twain on how to write a humorous short story. you nailed it.

Thanks! :)

Operation Clammy

Today, for the first time, Sachin and I put our investigative skills to real-life use when we finally ventured into the may-ne'er-return realm of The Church of Scientology. After passing by the D.C. chapter of the CoS in Dupont Circle several times over the course of our internship, the joke of going in to take a firsthand look at its innerworkings finally materialized into an actual plan. I wouldn't say the execution was either as hilarious or earth-shatteringly revealing as we had hoped, but all in all, I'd say Operation Clammy was a success.

*Disclaimer: The following is for entertainment purposes only. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and what follows is just my personal experience and observations. Having said that, do some research on Scientology and judge it for yourself. You don't have to take what I say at face value.*

OPERATION CLAMMY: PART I

The Preparation
Sean: "Man, I'm so nervous."
Gloria: "Don't be nervous. Just pretend like we're going to the bank or something. But instead of asking about...you know, interest rates, we're just going to..."
Sean: "...be horribly brainwashed!"

Okay, Sachin and I were both really nervous. I think our biggest fear was that we wouldn't be able to control our stifled laughter at the idea of taking Scientology seriously, subsequently blowing our cover. That is, of course, the cover of curious students acting as investigative agents of Operation Clambake. Also, I think a very small part of me - maybe one percent - was really scared that I'd actually get converted somehow during this very first meeting. To completely ensure I wouldn't allow myself to get roped into anything like a retard, I left all my cash and credit cards in the car. You can never be too careful in an op like this.

First order of business was to pick aliases, because like hell if we were going to let them know who we actually are. After considering "Sak Crasto" (I'm not kidding) and various Indian names, Sachin finally settled on "Sean Shah." (Good thing, too, because nothing induces giggling more easily than being called "Sak.") And by courtesy of Chris Canary, I was "Gloria Jean", which I later discovered to be the name of a mall-based retailer of specialty coffees.

Lastly, we had to figure out just what we were going in there for. We ditched the idea of role-playing (Sachin being gullible and I being skeptical), because it seemed too fake and kitschy to pull off convincingly. We decided to just be as normal as possible, act realistically interested but slightly questioning, and most important of all, whatever we do: Absolutely no laughing!

Through the Looking Glass (okay, the door)
The D.C. chapter of the CoS is located at 1701 20th St. NW, a few blocks from Dupont Circle. It is housed in a large, historical, and attractive red brick house that we later found out is called the Fraser Mansion, built in 1890 as a residence. The inside of the house is decorated very formally, with austere but interesting wood carvings and decorations. I was kind of expecting a sterile, boring office environment, but it definitely wasn't like that. My first impression actually that it felt a little intimidating because it was so serious and grand. The walls were covered with framed photos and articles about L. Ron Hubbard. Apparently he had atteneded GWU, studied engineering, and later became some kind of boating/navy aficionado. However, nowhere was included Hubbard's quote, "If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion."

Sach and I were greeted by the receptionist, who was young, pretty, and very nice. She had us fill out some log-in form, and of course we put down our aliases and Sach put down a fake address. I was doing okay at this point, but every time we made eye contact I could tell Sach was on the verge of laughter. Not helpful, Sach. Maintain cover.

After a few minutes of waiting, we were greeted by a bright-eyed young man, probably around our age. He was dressed very sharply in khakis and a white shirt and tie, and was also very friendly and good-looking. He seemed fairly enthusiastic about us expressing interest in Scientology, and introduced himself as Jackson. Sach and I introduced ourselves as…Sean and Gloria. Jackson offered to set us up with their advertised free stress/personality test, to which I immediately asked if it was just a written test. Sach and I had previously agreed (slightly paranoidly) that if this stress test involved any type of probes or electrodes, we were so outta there. Of course, it would just be a multiple choice aptitude-type test. Nothing too creepy or suspicious so far. Jackson then led us downstairs to take the test…

OPERATION CLAMMY: PART II

The Personality Test
Sach and I were taken to a large room downstairs where a few other people were taking the test. We were set up at separate tables and began taking the two-hundred-question test called the Oxford Capacity Analysis, an exact copy of which can be found here. For each question, I was to answer always, never, or maybe/uncertain. It was not unlike some of the online personality tests of Tickle, although I think it's more fun to find out what my shopping style is.

First off, I found that some of the questions were designed to be difficult to answer. For example, #40 asked: Are you rarely happy, unless you have some special reason? Hmm... Which answer sounds more coherent: "Yes, I am always rarely happy", or "No, I am never rarely happy"? Maybe they should have asked, Do you not like answering questions with no double negatives? Other questions seemed straight-up irrelevant or out of place on a personality test, such as whether or not I think more money should be given to social security (#9). And some questions were just plain creepy or ominous. #6 asked if I get involuntary muscle twitches, and #52 wanted to know if I'd buy on credit with the hope of keeping up payments. Good thing I left those credit cards in my car, right?

I finished the test pretty quickly, and gave it to Jackson, who fed it into a computer to get a print-out of my results. He then disappeared to tend to other tasks. Since Sach was still working on his test, I took the opportunity to look around the room to assess my environment. I saw a few doors leading off to various other rooms, and the first thing I noticed was a sign pointing to one door that said "Purification Center." There were also shelves and stacks of books around the room, all written by L. Ron Hubbard, mostly about therapy techniques and self-betterment. (I considered swiping a book on Dianetics for my friend Con, who would appreciate the humor of this whole situation - the way he appreciates the humor of creationism.) But what most caught my attention was a small "machine" similar in appearance and shape to a bathroom scale. It had a few dials on it and was connected to two metal rods shaped like toilet paper rolls. I would find out later that this was the E-Meter.

The Dianetics Video
While I had been working on the personality test, a Scientology member started showing a video in the background on Dianetics. After I handed in my test, I tuned in to the video while waiting for Sachin to finish. For those who are unfamiliar, Dianetics is a type of regression therapy that L. Ron Hubbard discovered (invented) that is supposed to purge an individual of stress, uncomfortable thoughts, and physical pain. Here is what the video is supposed to teach people about Dianetics:

(Disclaimer: I watched less than ten minutes of the video, and the following is just my - perhaps flawed - understanding of what the video entailed. I may have accidentally misinterpreted or left information out. Judge for yourself whether it seems legitimate or is just hinky-dinky bullcrap.)

Basically, all humans possess a "reactive mind," which is the source of all physical, mental, and emotional distress. The way the reactive mind causes such distress and discomfort is through human memory "engrams" unconsciously registering painful or harmful perceptions. Throughout our lives, our reactive mind is constantly logging such perceptions of which we often are not consciously aware. However, these perceptions or memories often surface and manifest themselves as stress or pain, and may even cause us to act irrationally and unpredictably. Consider an example given by the video. A sick girl, while being asleep, is told by her mother "I will never leave you." The girl's reactive mind logs this statement, but it is implanted into her subconscious as a manifestation of the girl's illness. Therefore, this simple statement made by the mother will increase the chances that the girl's condition will not improve (as the illness "will never leave" the girl).

This is where Dianetics comes in. Through sessions of Hubbard's therapy technique with a trained "auditor" (Scientology term for a Dianetics therapist), a person can slowly learn to purge themselves of these harmful engrams and "clear" themselves of their reactive mind.

Honestly, at this point I thought this was the craziest thing I had ever heard. It definitely was kind of amusing, but the hilarity factor was far eclipsed by how seriously the video was taking itself, which made the whole thing a bit frightening. It was a lot like the kind of informational videos you watched in middle school health class, except in a different universe where logic and scientific evidence take a backseat to hare-brained pseudo-knowledge.

A few minutes after both Sach and I turned in our tests, two middle-aged women came to the room with our test results. "Sean" and "Gloria" then split up and separated for their personality/stress test consultations...

OPERATION CLAMMY: PART III

The Personality Test
I met with a woman named Vicky, and the first thing we did was go over the results of my personality/stress test. The test is graded on 10 factors: stable/unstable, happy/depressed, composed/nervous, certainty/uncertainty, active/inactive, aggressive/inhibited, responsible/irresponsible, correct estimation/critical, appreciative/lack of accord, and communicative/withdrawn. Each factor can be scored at a maximum of +100 (desirable) to –100 (unacceptable).

According to my results, I am stable, happy, and act with certainty, but it also revealed that I could stand to improve my composure as well as more aggressively follow through any plans of action. (Although if you ask me, I did a pretty decent job in executing the Infiltrate-the-Church-of-Scientology plan.) However, the test showed that the real cause for alarm is that I am often in discord with people I am close to, and have difficulty communicating my thoughts or feelings. This is a load of horse doo-doo. I never hesitate to let people know when they need a swift kick in the ass.

I told Vicky that I didn’t agree with the results of my communication “problem,” as I am opinionated and love friendly debates. However, in order to not seem like a total skeptic bitch, I conceded that perhaps I disliked being confrontational and may be overly critical of people at times. And here came the sell. Vicky informed me that in order to better myself in these problem areas and improve my interpersonal relationship, I could register for courses right there at the Scientology center. And that is how they hook you – by first getting you to sign up for relatively inexpensive classes. But as you get more into Scientology, they get you to fork over larger and larger sums of money in order to keep you involved. Classic foot-in-the-door technique. I do have to admit, however, that Vicky was not as aggressive as I had expected. Like everyone else I had met, she was very friendly and personable. Although she was not pushy, however, her enthusiasm for Scientology was clearly evident.

I turned down the courses, saying that I would come back at another time. But in the name of investigation, I did ask about the Oxford Capacity Analysis – who developed it and whether it was utilized by other organizations and institutions. I was slightly surprised to learn that it actually was not developed by Scientologists, but although Vicky did say that it is used by other groups, she could not recall any specific ones. (A subsequent Google search on the OCA turned up only Scientology-related websites, with the test either being promoted by pro-Scientology sites or debunked by anti-Scientology sites. It is not affiliated in any way with Oxford University.)

I also asked Vicky about her take on why Scientology has come under such fire from the media and…well, society in general. I showed my congenial and diplomatic side, and said that from what I had seen that day, Scientology seemed just like a philosophy of self-betterment – and what’s the harm in that? (That’s Socratic irony in its purest form, right? I’ll wait while you look up “Socratic irony.”)

Vicky must have been used to dealing with that question, as her response was immediate and seemingly well-constructed. She brought up Tom Cruise’s recent anti-psychology comments (although omitted his radical behavior and blatant self-promotion). The field and industry of psychology had so firmly established its roots in America, she responded, that it is unwilling to share the spotlight with any new forms of therapy. Since psychology has so successfully embedded itself into American society – it is taught in schools, plays a vital role in the judiciary system, and is connected to the pharmaceutical industry – new methods of psychoanalysis such as Scientology will naturally come under intense attack and be prone to criticism. On the surface, Vicky’s answer seemed logical and made sense, but she did not mention or counter any specific arguments made against Scientology. I debated whether or not to tell her I was a psych major, but decided to err on the side of caution and not rock the boat.

Sachin's Consultation and the E-Meter
During my meeting with Vicky, Sachin met with a woman named Monica, who – when we later compared – we realized to be way, way weirder than Vicky. Sach found out that Monica had been working for the CoS for – brace yourself – thirteen years!! That was before my parents divorced and I was still reading Frog and Toad books! I think I still had a bowl-cut back then. Apparently, at Monica’s very first Scientology meeting, she turned to her husband (who worked as a veterinarian), and said, “I’m quitting my job to do this.” And she has been there ever since.

Even more creepy (in my opinion) is when Sach asked Monica what Scientology encompassed beyond Dianetics. Since so far in the consultations we had only heard about therapy and self-help methods, Sachin wanted to know if that was what Scientology was – or if there was a bigger system of beliefs beyond just the courses and auditing sessions. Monica’s response? “Yes, but the world isn’t at that level of understanding yet – it’s not ready to know more about Scientology. But once the rest of the world catches up,” – cue Twilight Zone music – “we will reveal more.” Is that not so cryptically delusional? I wonder if the reason they wait so long to reveal the Truth is because their Truth involves an intergalactic ruler called Xenu who deals with overpopulation by killing his subjects on planet Earth – formerly called Teegeeack, of course. Telling someone something like that at the first meeting may turn them off slightly. Just ever so slightly.

At this point, both Sach and I kept glancing at each other because we felt as if we had milked Monica and Vicky for as much information as we could without being rude or acting suspicious, and we were getting antsy to leave before they started pressuring us to buy or sign up for things. Also my parking meter was about to run out. Vicky was pretty understanding about me having to leave (maybe she was confident I would return?) so she started walking me out. Poor Sach, on the other hand, was still trying to wrestle away from Monica’s iron grip. As Vicky was walking me out, my eyes fell back on the odd-looking little metered machine, and my brain raced because I knew that there was no way in hell I was ever coming back to this CoS again, and this would be my last chance to find out about the machine…

“Sorry, Vicky, but one last thing – what is this?” I mustered up my most disarmingly inquisitive tone of voice. “Oh. That’s the E-Meter,” Vicky responded. “It measures your thoughts.” Oh brother. I rolled my eyes in my mind. I bet it does. I wonder if it can tell that I think it’s a piece of sh—“What you do is you hold these rods gently but firmly in your hand.” Here, Vicky took the two metal rods that were attached to the machine by wires and placed them in my hand. She instructed me to not squeeze the rods, but to just hold them comfortably so they wouldn’t fall. Then, I was to think of an emotionally difficult moment in my past, and the E-meter was supposed to be able to “read” this and measure my level of discomfort by how far to the right the arrow on the meter falls. I tried to recall something traumatizing and failed, since my life has been nothing but rainbows and butterflies, but of course the meter went crazy anyway. Apparently, the proper way to use the E-Meter is during auditing sessions, when the “patient” is sitting down and relaxed. The arrow on the meter also moves back and forth when your body is moving, or when you are applying pressure to the rods. Or when it just damn well feels like moving, from what I could see. “Very cool!” I told Vicky. I was so ready to get out of there.

When Sach and I finally returned to the blinding sunlight of the outdoors, safe and successful in our mission, we exploded into laughter and related to each other the oddity of our shared experience. “Holy crap!” I kept saying at every turn. “Holy crap!” The whole trip back to Georgetown, we just couldn’t stop talking about everything – the tests, the books, L. Ron Hubbard’s past, the Xenu thing. There was no way we could describe the experience as anything but weird. Well, also funny. All right – really weird, and really funny. But what was best about it, I think, was knowing that we didn’t get sucked into anything. And driving down Massachusetts Avenue, being back in reliable old Earl, listening to music on the radio, we were the same Amy and Sachin that walked into the Church of Scientology over an hour and a half ago. We were lucky enough to get back to reality, unharmed and with our bank accounts untouched. There was no more need for Gloria and Sean - we hadn’t been converted, we hadn’t been brainwashed, but rather, we came out alive with a story that would never stop making us laugh. Not to take a jab at Tom Cruise, but mission impossible this wasn’t. Teehee.

* * * * * * * * * *
EPILOGUE

The following was an AIM conversation between Sachin and I, two days after Operation Clammy:

S A K 84: scientology is scary
S A K 84: and i think i'm going to have nightmares
S A K 84: i made sure my door was locked
o0 freelancer 0o: what? why??
S A K 84: because i saw monica on the street today and she almost dragged me back into that place
o0 freelancer 0o: WHAT?
o0 freelancer 0o: holy shit
o0 freelancer 0o: are you serious?
S A K 84: well i was walking from my g/f's aunts place (which is on 18th and riggs which is between R and S). the church is on 19th and R
S A K 84: and i saw monica
S A K 84: well more like she saw me
S A K 84: and she said sean
o0 freelancer 0o: omg
o0 freelancer 0o: keep going
S A K 84: a couple times i guess
S A K 84: but i obviously didn't respond, b/c my name isn't sean
S A K 84: but then she yelled it, and i turned around cause i heard somebody yell
S A K 84: and i was like, “ohhh hey”
o0 freelancer 0o: continue
S A K 84: and she said, hey how's it goin etc. etc.
S A K 84: then she asked me if i was busy
S A K 84: i said well i was going home, and i asked her what she was up to
S A K 84: and she said she was going home as well, but she said that if i had some spare time
S A K 84: i should come inside the church, and she could explain more stuff to me
o0 freelancer 0o: and you went, right?
S A K 84: and i said no, i was really hungry and i should get home
S A K 84: and she said, that's no problem we have food at the church
S A K 84: she said she could give me dinner
S A K 84: i was like uhhh
S A K 84: then i said well no i should because getting home ‘cause i have a lot of stuff to do
S A K 84: and then she was like, why did you come in the first place
S A K 84: i said i was curious
o0 freelancer 0o: holy crap
o0 freelancer 0o: you didn't reveal the secrets of our mission did you?
o0 freelancer 0o: was she like, getting upset?
S A K 84: and then she said well weren't you impressed by the techniques and motives of the
church
S A K 84: and i said yeah i guess, but i told her that i read some things that don't sound that great
S A K 84: and she asked me what
S A K 84: and i was like uhh i don't know, just some things on the internet, i really don't have that much time right now
S A K 84: and then she said...and i'm not kidding, like this sweet old lady said this...
o0 freelancer 0o: holy shit
S A K 84: "Don't believe any of that horse shit on the internet, they all just don't know what we're about"
o0 freelancer 0o: SACH - are you making this up? cuz you know i'm gullible and wanna believe crazy things i hear about scientology?
S A K 84: no i'm not
S A K 84: but it was like in an aggressive tone
o0 freelancer 0o: wow...
S A K 84: i said, ok, but regardless i'm busy now
S A K 84: she said, ok sean, but i really expect you to be back at the church. I could tell that you could really improve your life from our teachings.
S A K 84: then she asked for my phone number
o0 freelancer 0o: HOLY CRAP
o0 freelancer 0o: my goodness!
o0 freelancer 0o: you didn't give her MY number, did you?
S A K 84: haha no
S A K 84: i said, i'm sorry ms. smith, but i can't give that to you
S A K 84: then she said ok, i understand, but stop reading those things on the internet
S A K 84: they can really put dangerous thoughts into your head
o0 freelancer 0o: wow, really? you'd better stop then.
S A K 84: i said OK?
S A K 84: she said, alright sean i hope to see you soon
S A K 84: please keep in contact
S A K 84: freaky right?

For more information about Scientology, please click on the following links.
Official CoS Website
Operation Clambake
Scientology Kills

It Never Ends

HOLY FUCKING SHIT-type Media Updates
Charlie Murphy of Chappelle's Show leaks that the show ain't returning. I don't really care because I've seen like, one episode, but I figure CS fans (and there are lots of you out there) might like to be kept in the know. Looks like it's back to UPN for black comedy.
News link.

Spoilers*Spoilers*Spoilers*Spoilers*Spoilers*Spoilers*Spoilers
According to a source and a half, Michael Vartan (highlight) of Alias will be K.O.'ed (or at least written off) at the beginning of Season 5. Details were not forthcoming, but even with this early warning I foresee myself screaming, "J.J.!! WHYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!" on my knees with clenched fists in the air at the end of the episode.
The source.
And a half.

And Back to our Regularly Scheduled Programming...
In science it only takes one case of a theory not being true to disprove that theory. Following that logic, the Amy Chen curse still holds water. Friday night, the Padres defeated the Nats 6-5. Even from the view of free $35 seats, it was not a pretty sight.


I swear this is the last baseball photo I will post. Until I return to Baltimore and get to some O's games.

Moving on...
When it comes to matters of civil liberties versus security, I'd like to say that random searches really are not a trifling matter. While driving near the Capitol on Louisiana and C, I experienced the pleasure of being stopped by two cops and having Earl's trunk examined. It may not seem like a big deal to get stopped for less than a minute to pop your trunk and have some stranger look through it, but afterwards I felt shaken up and extremely violated. Whoever says that if you've done nothing illegal, you've got nothing to worry about is completely missing the point.

And last but not least...
Next week, Sachin and I are going to stop by the Church of Scientology center in Dupont Circle to get their advertised free stress tests. Because I want to get my soul in alignment, and because it's too hilarious to pass up. I mean, you think the tests ever reveal that you're not stressed out? "Our examinations reveal that you're in a state of pure relaxation. Would you like some pamphlets on Hinduism?" Come on, now. We decided that I would play the skeptic and Sachin would play the sucker. On the flip side, they could use their mind-control techniques and totally sell us on Dianetics and the OT III enlightenment. That would so not be funny.

Stay tuned.

Bad Cops, Bad Cops

I saw Marshal Marshall today! It was the end of the day and he was leaving the courthouse, and it was weird because he wasn't wearing his US Marshals shirt, and what was even weirder was that even though he was getting off work he still had that ice-cold, hardass I'm-a-US-Marshal-therefore-I-can't-smile stare in his eyes. He was probably going to the gym to work his biceps a little more, before heading home to eat his Hungry Man dinner for one and practice choke holds for the rest of the night. That guy needs more lovin' in his life...

In other internship news, the manager of the Subway by the courthouse definitely thinks that Sachin and I are an item, since we always show up there together after we finish our investigative duties at the court. In a related matter, I dreamed last night that that Subway manager named a sub after me since I go there so much. I'm telling you all this because it is such necessary information.

In most important news, I had dinner with Yahya Radman tonight! Yes, the Yahya Radman I went out with in middle school. The Yahya Radman I have not seen in seven years since I started high school. That Yahya Radman.


After seven years, Yahya and I rekindle our 2-week middle school romance.

Seeing Yahya tonight was like reliving middle school, which was the two greatest years of my life. I can't believe people back there even remember me! Although I guess I have people like Yahya keeping the spirit of Amy Chen alive. (Funnily, apparently most of the people actually remember me as Daria, for which I was nicknamed because of my monotoned sarcasm and big round glasses.) Conversely, it was also interesting to hear what happened to everyone in the years since I left Bloomington. Jacob Pearson got shipped off to Jamaica for making threats on Bush's life in an Internet chatroom. Richard Smith plays soccer for Manchester United. Other stuff I can't remember because people's names are getting mixed together.

It's slightly strange (but also amazing) to see people again that you haven't seen in such a long time. It feels unreal - not for any sentimental reasons, but because something in the past that has been put away suddenly resurfaces, and it just seems incongruous for the past and present to exist at the same time. It is kind of like finding an old memento, or looking at a yearbook, but much more tangible. You get that slightly weird jolt, like part of your brain is telling you that this can't actually be happening, but at the same time it is fantastic because you get to relive something that by definition cannot be re-experienced.

Anyway, enough of the philosophical analysis. Middle school was the fucking best years of my life, and those were the best friends of my life, and Yahya rules for stopping by D.C. to see my part of the world.