Come one, come all, and revel as I navigate the ups and downs of the mundanities of my life. Thus far, my stomach-churning has been kept to a minimum, but I can't speak for my readers. You'll be riveted as you're kept on the edge of your seat, wondering, "Will the next post be the one that makes me lose my lunch??" Excitement, she wrote!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Another Democratic Defeat

To follow up our first guest entry, all I have to say is: for a 47-year-old religious nut, Rick Santorum sure knows how to play ball.

That's right - yesterday was the 44th annual congressional baseball game at RFK Stadium, something I did not even know existed (I'm a terrible Washingtonienne) until my Republican liaison and fellow Hopkonian Joe Lin offered me a free ticket. Despite having to sit with Joe's slew of conservative interns from the American Enterprise Institute (just kidding, Joe...or am I?), and despite the GOP landslide (19-10, ouch) it was a great time enjoyed by all.


A staged photo-op between conservative and liberal. See how strained our smiles are?

The Republican win was hardly unprecedented, as they have won eight times in the past decade. And that outcome was foreshadowed yet again this game very early on, when by the end of the first inning the Reps already had five runs. But that didn't stop me from cheering my little bleeding heart out everytime the Dems got a hit...or more likely, when they got a walk. (So we're horrible ball players, but John Ensign of Nevada is an even worse pitcher.) Since I was really the only lefty in our section, it was pretty hard to miss my obnoxious cheering and clapping and jumping up and down every time the Democrats got a hit, or caught a fly ball, or you know, managed to find first base without falling over or having their hands held.


Yikes! And it's only the 3rd inning.

By far the best-known player was Santorum. I really had no idea who the other congressmen were. (Remember, people: I'm a psychology major! I have an excuse for being under-informed!) He actually turned and waved at our AEI section because all the interns were yelling his name and basically getting giant erections every time he turned around. To give him his due credit, he did hit a couple of doubles...


Senator Rick Santorum's butt gets some face-time. I'm sure he finds this photo morally reprehensible.

I do have to make it a point to say that RFK is no Oriole Park. Not by a long stretch. But all in all, still a very fun and Washington-esque night. Nex year, let's try a little harder, no?

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Guest Column I: Ryan Carroll

THE LESSON TO BE LEARNED FROM SENATOR RICK SANTORUM

The only thing worse than coming in second in a two-man race is not being able to hate the person who came in first. For me and my fellow members of the token runner-up in today’s political arena (also known as the Democratic Party), the effect of this feature is roughly akin to having cancer slowly devour our spleens over the course of a four-year election cycle. In short, the Republicans have consistently managed to make themselves less detestable to us—their mortal enemies, and that more than anything else has been fueling the bitter political discourse in this country. With Helms, Thurmond, and Lott all gone, it has become harder to see the GOP as a bunch of racist bigots (even though the highest ranking elected minority official in the Republican Party is the Lieutenant Governor of Maryland). Since we out-raised and out-spent them in the 2004 election, it has become harder for us to paint the reigning right as a conglomerate of bloated, corporate and special interests. Facing this dilemma, all that I’ve been able to say for the last two years is “Thank God for Rick Santorum.”

As the self-appointed spokesman of the Religious Right in the U.S. Senate, the Republican senator from Pennsylvania has come to be viewed by me, and many Democrats over the last few years, as the new object of our hatred.
For meddling in the Terry Schiavo case, sponsoring the Partial Birth Abortion Ban, championing the Gay Marriage Amendment and tacking on funding for faith-based initiatives to every OMNIBUS Bill in sight, Santorum has become the sworn enemy of all who still treasure the Separation of Church and State clause in the Constitution. Yet my hat is off to the good people at New York Times Magazine for throwing me a moral curveball in the dirt and making me reconsider a man who is so easy for my liberal mind to hate. I find myself now grudgingly admitting that even I might learn something from the honorable Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania.

The problem with Santorum is that he is a political absurdity that does not come about very often in the modern political age. Radicals have always existed and have always been detested on both sides of the isle, but usually their vastly different areas of pomposity can all be linked to one overriding feature: namely, their own self-promotion. In the age of CSPAN and the 24-hour news-cycle, holding office and being psychotic at the same time brings with it considerable benefits, ones which said radicals are typically all too eager to exploit. They have become good sport, and while hated by the opposition, they are often respected as well. Sure he’s a crook, but what Democrat wouldn’t want a bloodthirsty Tom Delay fighting for the Democratic cause instead of a more moderate, popular, respected, and altogether more spineless Joe Lieberman.

Where Santorum begins to complicate things, though, is when one realizes, as the NY Times Magazine did, that he is not out to advance himself. He doesn’t meddle in life termination matters and champion faith-based initiatives because is playing some political angle. He does this because he feels that he is right, and he cannot simply stand by and let what he believes to be the wrong decisions continue to be made. Santorum is a man with six children, one car, no money, and no family legacy, yet for virtually no foreseeable political gain, he is willing to risk the very position that he has fought so hard to gain against so many more privileged individuals. When public opinion strayed away from support of the Nuclear Option and the Schiavo involvement, Santorum stayed put, content to put his life’s effort on the line and stoke the Religious Right because he felt they were correct, not because they are the voting block that will one day elect him President. Ironically, despite all the friends I have in the PA political circles who will be injecting Red Bull directly into their veins in an effort to beat him next year, Santorum is in many ways exactly the kind of person that we should all be glad can still succeed in American politics. He is proof that there is still an open door on the hill for the Mr. Smiths of America to enter, and that everyone’s 15 minutes of fame is not an event, but an audition, with another 15 minutes coming in the next news-cycle if only one can get enough people to listen.

Anyone who knows me knows that I often speak of the two processes in American politics and how the one drives the other. There is an electoral process and a policy process, and for all intents and purposes, the policy process no longer exists. It comes into play only when a law is broken down into the fine details and legal requirements that ultimately determine whether a law will be effective, or even implemented at all. Senators and Congressmen don’t write these requirements and they seldom even read them. Often it is merely enough to support bills that say “Child” or “Patriot” in them and back that support up with the talking points of “accountability” and “national security.” Elections drive American government, and there is no policy decision, smart or stupid, that is made without its electoral value first being considered.

Santorum seems to have virtually no comprehension of this duality, and by conducting himself in such a manner, he has shown not only that he has the political instincts of a small-mouth bass, but also that he very well might not be in Washington much longer to champion the actions that he does. His reelection bid in 2006 will effectively be a fight for his political life, and the left’s insatiable desire to silence him before he can assume even more power is as universal as it is concerted. He has strayed so far from the moderate Pennsylvania constituency that elected him that he has made himself not only a target, but a vulnerable target—something the 3rd most powerful man in the Senate should never allow himself to do. (Seriously, outside of the testicle-deficient Tom Daschle, who would ever allow such a thing to happen?) This situation begs the questions: 1) Why has Santorum done this to himself? and 2) What lesson could anyone possible learn from this behavior?

The answer to both questions is perception, a hard-to-define trait that ultimately forms the cornerstone of the ideological split in Congress. Santorum possesses two things, faith in God and faith in his interpretation of that God, and this has endowed him with the enviable quality of being a politician who wants to be right, not one who wants to remain a successful politician. This makes him a formidable foe because even when all is lost, as in the case of the Nuclear Option, gay marriage, the Schiavo case, and quite possibly the 2006 midterms, Santorum will fight on because he has nothing to lose. This has set him on a course of perception wherein his utmost desire is to be a good servant of his God. This might seem foolish in the complex world of politics, but why else would the Democrats throw a man who is for all intents and purposes a Republican—Bob Casey Jr.—at Santorum in ’06? The perception might be foolish, but it is also attractive.

But what is far more important is the perception that Santorum has regarding the policy process, and I must admit, this viewpoint of his is starting to change my own electorally-driven religion. If we are to make an assumption that the 100 Senators in Washington are all there because they want to help as many people as they can, Santorum’s perception actually begins to carry some weight. Faith-based initiatives are small change as political angles. They don’t stir up the Right the way abortion does, and only over time are they able to gain enough power and support to penetrate the bureaucratic stranglehold on social services. Yet Santorum has recognized something that Democrats have not yet come to grips with: that Liberalism had its shot during the 1960s and it failed, and that government just might not be the proper mechanism to cure poverty, crime, and other social ills. In this light, Santorum’s willingness to back billions of dollars in appropriations for faith-based marriage incentives doesn’t seem so crazy. Welfare hasn’t made the poor better off, but when one is married, they are statistically less likely to be poor. So why not simply get people to marry?

It is a small example, and it doesn’t come close to touching the whole realm of faith-based policy in the federal government (a measure that now accounts for ¼ of the Department of Housing and Urban Development’s budget and 1/5 of the Department of Health and Human Services). However, it is something new. Something that hasn’t been tried, and something that Santorum seems to be willing to attempt if it means more people will be better off. Should he bite his tongue more on Schiavo? Absolutely. Should he consider contracting out funds to non-religously affiliated organizations for these social services and thus save the church-and-state separation? Probably. Should he look at the whole picture more and see that school-sponsored prayer is inevitably going to result in a lot of non-Christians getting beaten up in the school yard? Definitely. But should he conform to accepted norms and practices that have failed in the past, and now for the first time lack the political muscle necessary to prevent them from being overhauled permanently? Most likely, not.

If I lived in Pennsylvania, I would want to take Santorum down right now, and I will still readily lend whatever support my PA friends ask for to help accomplish the task. But I can’t help but think that by removing him, though it is a political necessity for the Democratic Party, we might end up killing a great deal of what we love about this country in the process. To replace him with a man only six inches more to the right, who has succeeded on the back of money and legacy that was given to him at birth, is not saying a great deal for the American Way, much less the treasured Mr. Smith. Beating Santorum won’t win back the Senate or revive the Democratic Party from its 2nd place slumber. We are going to beat him merely because he’s the only top-tier guy that we can beat. By 2008, the few remaining scraps of the New Deal (Social Security, Medicare) will have been eaten away and in such dismal times, beating up a vulnerable icon is sometimes all you can hope for. But to see Santorum’s defeat through Santorum’s perception, all we have done is commit treason against the highest principles we hold. All that the honorable Senator from Pennsylvania cares about, in the end, is his family and his faith. We are going to sling mud and defeat an impoverished Senator who is only doing what he feels is right, and we are not even going to replace him with someone who can demonstrate the same character with our own ideals. This is a dirty business, this democracy we cherish, and the Honorable Senator from Pennsylvania, who we all may hate but must be forced to respect, is likely to be our system’s next blood-soaked casualty.

Ryan Carroll will be spending the summer as an AFL-CIO intern. He has been assigned to work in Indianapolis, IN, to help the SEIU Local 3, currently on strike.

The original article, "The Believer" by Michael Sokolove, can be found in the May 22, 2005 issue of the New York Times Magazine.


Dear Readers:


you may notice that the updates have become more scarce as the summer progresses. I am keeping very busy with my 40-hour a week unpaid internship! On top of that, I do have a wide range of side projects that I am loathe to abandon. Primarily, right now I am working on a particular project that should be done within the week. It is my hope to return to maintaining this blog upon the project's completion. At least until the next project comes along.

In the meantime, I am trying to rope in some guest writers for this blog to mix things up a bit. Just as Dan Savage (of the sex advice column "Savage Love") knows to call in a pinch hitter from time to time to keep his column from going stale (although that doesn't seem to be a problem when you're dealing with diaper fetishists and penis shock toys), I too can understand the need for an occasional change in tone or opinion. Hopefully, a guest writer once in a blue moon will do the dual job of keeping this blog active even while I'm busy with other tasks, as well as injecting some new flavor into your weekly read.

Oh, who am I kidding? It's summer. You're all out playing frisbee on the beach or backpacking through central Europe. Life is hard for the lonely keepers (and guest-keepers) of blogs.

Love,
Amy

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

It's cool, man! I'm a detective!

Slawek thinks that in the future, there should be a new TV dramedy based on me called "Asian Female Detective." The premise of the show is that by hiring an Asian female (yours truly) to be a detective, the police force succeeds in filling their quota for minorities and women. Unfortunately, said Asian female detective is hilariously underqualified for the job, and fucks up every investigation she embarks on. Her tagline, or response to every fuck up - unabashedly stolen from ATHF - is, "It's cool, man! I'm a detective!" Actresses currently lined up to portray Asian Female Detective are...no one. 'Cause seriously, who's gonna be cool enough to play AFD?

Yeah, I know, I should stop there.

Anyway, to get back to reality, I am playing my own version of Asian Female Detective for the summer as a defense investigator for Georgetown Law's Criminal Justice Clinic. After years of watching cop/investigator/lawyer shows, this is finally a culmination of all of those eclectic TV characters come to life. I'll have the slow-witted guise of Matlock, the alcoholic benders of Sipowicz, the out-there, crack-pot theories of Mulder, and to top it off, the freewheelin' badass-ness of Kojak*. That's right - none of the other interns will want to work with me, and my own defense lawyers will probably turn me in to the cops my first week on the job.


"Your crack genie can't help you now, Kenny!" No, but he can get hooked up with a fine Georgetown defense lawyer.

Seriously though, I think this is going to be the most kickass (unpaid) job ever. For those who aren't in the know, defense investigators basically do the same thing that Detectives Briscoe and Greene did on Law and Order every week, except on behalf of the defendant and not for the government. We gotta get our asses to the DC ghettos (okay, it's not always the ghetto, but our clients are largely indigent) and just do some basic detective work - canvassing crime scene areas, questioning witnesses and taking their statements, serving subpoenas, testifying on the stand, and the like. There are 7 other interns (4 boys and 4 girls - all together now: AWWWWWW!!!!!!) and we are partnered up and paired up with one or two attorneys in the Georgetown Prettyman Fellowship. And the rest of the summer we just help our lawyers investigate cases and try to keep our clients out of jail.

My investigative partner is Sachin. I'm glad that my supervisor kept the Hopkins' flava alive by pairing me up with an Indian kid. It'll be Team Asia in the 'hood, like Law & Order meets Harold (Harriet?) and Kumar. Sachin is great with directions and has kept us sane (and well-directed) in the labyrinth of winding streets that is L'Enfant's design of D.C. He might take a bullet for me someday. I am lucky to have him.

The lawyer that Sachin and I are working for is Anya McMurray, who is great. She is really passionate and enthusiastic about defending her clients, and I'm really siked to be working with her for the rest of the summer. The great thing about the office is that everyone is super-laid-back, and are fine with everything as long as you're on top of your work. (It's great to have a job where you can wear a t-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops.) And they recognize that it's supposed to be an educational environment, so nobody gets yelled at or guilt-tripped for mistakes. For example, Anya actually gives a shit that Sachin and I have a life outside of the internship (I don't tell her that mine consists of Minesweeper and writing in this blog), and makes sure that we get days off and don't have to stay too late.

And the last great thing so far is that I have finally made real girl friends with somebody! W00t! One of the other interns, Casey, and I have bonded and I'm looking forward to having an actual girl to hang out with for the summer**. She is not fake or pretentious in the least, and doesn't seem to be weirded out by me so far, which are all very promising signs. Also, we spend the few minutes we see each other everyday making jokes and giggling - really middle school, immature giggling. I know this is hard to believe, but I just can't get that with my guy friends. (Although some come disturbingly close...)

So aside from the blisteringly hot and muggy days, the forecast for the summer is good. I'm going to be all over D.C., so I'll try to take some photos of the places I go, regardless of whether they're scenic or depressing. And if you're ever in need of a great story, hit me up, because I'm sure this job will supply me with a plethora*** of things to write about.


*To be fair, I have never watched Kojak, but I hear he is prolific on the Daily Jolt.
**Again, to be fair: Julia Melograna, I have not forgotten you. No one will replace my StarTrek/Goldeneye/breaking-into-her-own-house-cuz-she-doesn't-know-how-to-use-her-house-key sister.
***Did you know this word also means:
"a bodily condition characterized by an excess of blood and marked by turgescence and a florid complexion"? Gross!

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A friend of mine (a real adult, actually) sent me the link to this website, and I just fell in love with it. It reminds me of something I used to like...

Because the truth is, we all have secrets that nobody knows. Sometimes we don't realize it, because they're so personal and part of our everyday lives that we don't really even consider them secrets. They're just things that make up a part of us as individuals, and we don't really feel the need to share them with anybody. I think it's nice to have secrets like that.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Creationism Redux

My last post about creationism has generated a lot of IMs from people* (some legitimate, some just funny quips), and since writing it I have come up with some more things to add...

In the Style (D) section of the Sunday, May 15 2005 edition of the Washington Post, there was an article called
Doubting Rationalist by Michael Powell that discussed the history of "intelligent design" and its current state. Primarily, the focus was on the leading proponent (and the man who birthed the idea) of intelligent design, a professor emeritus at UC Berkeley's law school, Philip Johnson. What is unique about Johnson and his followers (who consist of "microbiologists and geologists and philosophers") is that in the current atmosphere where creationism is viewed by many liberals or atheists as a political tool, they are a group of intelligent, academic intellectuals who believe in creationism primarily as part of a search for truth as opposed to a quest for political power (although it is undeniable that politics will always be a barnacle on the rock of such religious debates). Evolutionary biology professors enjoy debating with Johnson. The director of the Institute for Biocomplexity at the University of Calgary believes Johnson and his movement "are asking terribly important questions" about the legitimacy of evolution. Basically, this group is engaged in deep discussion with the scientific community without being brushed aside as religious crazies.

So what is my problem with this intelligent design movement? Sure, these proponents may "debate in the language of science" and don't simply spew fundamentalist rhetoric, but ultimately, they are not presenting a view with any kind of
scientific evidence or backing, which is a death knell for any theory that purports to be part of the scientific field. From what I gathered from the Powell article, Johnson and his followers have only pointed out weaknesses in the theory of evolution (some of which have already been countered) without coming forth with any solid proof of the soundness of their own intelligent design theory. For example, they emphasize the dearth of evidence for the "large-scale mutations" necessary for prokaryotes to evolve into man. In response I ask - how does this shortcoming of the evolutionary explanation translate to a strengthening of the creationism argument? It doesn't. If all Johnson's followers can do is to poke holes in the theory of evolution - holes that may be patched up in the coming years or decades as we inevitably gather more knowledge - without offering any scientific evidence for their own ideas, then creationism does not stand a chance in a world based on molecules and strands of DNA.

And ultimately, it is because of this that creationism does not belong in schools. No matter how much Johnson and people like him can intellectualize the creationism argument - legitimize it with academics and "important questions" - they can never transform it into a a
scientific theory. As long as the principle of separation of church and state still holds in this country, creationism should not be taught because it simply has no scientific backing. Go ahead, say that evolution still needs to work out some kinks, say that we have yet to find the end-all key to why mankind exists, but for Pete's sake, don't tell me God is the answer just because we still have some questions.

*
St Vorph:
now creationists have come up with the "intelligent design" proposal
St Vorph: which sounds like humans were devised by general motors

Auto response from MattDMan14: i am noah's ark, and insomnia is the dinosaurs

stereopatheticSM: I know I would pay money to see dinosaurs attack noah's ark


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I know I keep saying this, but thank you guys for actually reading this blog. Whether you come to it for entertainment, for some weak semblance of intellectual debate, or just to snoop into my private affairs, I love that you guys deem it worthy of the few minutes you have to spare. You are all wonderful for supporting freelancer-redux, and I love writing for you!

Monday, June 06, 2005

Creationism > Evolution

Until recently, I regarded creationists with the same reaction I exhibited when I heard that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes became engaged - a slight gagging noise followed by a spittle-projected you have got to be kidding me. But I've now realized how wrong I was about creationism (I stand by my TomKat reaction), and how sometimes when we consider ourselves to be enlightened and intelligent, we misjudge other belief systems that on the surface seem to be so outlandish.

The piece of literature that opened my eyes to the superiority of creationist beliefs? It's right here.

How could I ever have overlooked a belief system that pits the Angel of Evil against the Angel of the Lord by way of dinosaurs? I mean, look at the picture for Scene 1! Those dinosaurs are fucking pissed!! Even the herbivores like the triceratops are out for sacred blood! This has really made me feel like a daggone fool all these years, putting all my faith in the slow, booooring process of evolution that involves random mutations over hundreds of thousands of millions and trillions of years, when really, a Braveheart-type dinosaur showdown was the answer all along.

But speaking seriously now, I am getting really sick of all these creationism/evolution arguments that this country is still having. This post is not about being anti-religion* or anti-God, but you would think that after over a century since the publication of Origin of the Species**, the Christian fundamentalists would have allowed us to put this behind us so we can move on to the next God-versus-science debate. It boggles my mind that this - THIS - is still an issue (and a big one at that) that is given time and energy in this country. At the very least you would think that more people could incorporate elements of evolution into their religious beliefs (crevolution?) and not completely denounce scientists as godless heretics, but no. That is too much of a hell-bound consideration.


What really burns my bananas though, is that the author of the dinosaur-showdown theory had the gall to use us Chinese as evidence of his crackpot ideas. This made me cry. Did he really have to taint our word for "boat" (the explanation of which is incorrect, by the way) just to implicate the rest of us in his the-Bible-speaks-truth belief system?

The pro-creationism arguments keep coming back to the same old points, which I think are addressed wonderfully in this article at Scientific American dot com. The one point that has really been vocalized by the religious...enthusiasts (to use a friendly term) is that evolution is only a theory, not proven fact. There was a great article in the Washington Post several months ago by a researcher countering this point, and I regret that I can't post a link to that, but the Scientific American article does a decent job explaining the same ideas. Please take a moment to read the SA arguments, if not to convince yourself then to educate yourself so you can convince someone else.

But I have to admit, dinosaurs attacking a giant ark is pretty fucking cool.

*I considered adding the AIM conversation between Chris Canary and I in which he suggests that we ship all creationists to a deserted island, and I add that following said exile we should explode the island, but I thought that might be in poor taste, so that conversation will not be included.

**See "10 Most Harmful Books" link in previous post.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Lightning Round, Part II

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I fucking hate the Carlyle. When are they going to be done fucking me over and my bank account as well? I am now almost 500 fucking dollars in the hole, and I'm waiting for more overdraft charges to accrue. All because the Carlyle couldn't stop a check when I fucking asked them to. FUCK!

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Human Events (The National Conservative Weekly since 1944) came out with their list of the ten most harmful books of the 19th and 20th centuries (plus runner-ups). I guess I have my reading list for the summer. What? Ann Coulter wasn't on the panel of judges?

Good to see that my fellow countryman from the Motherland, Chairman Mao, landed an impressive #3 on the list. Also kudos to Alfred Kinsey (#4) - never let it be said that nothing sexually controversial came out of the Midwest (Indiana, and Indiana University, no less). And of course, a shout-out to my fellow psychologists, B.F. Skinner and Freud, who were honorable mentions. I'm sorry lazy-ass college students like myself turned your field into a laughing stock for engineers and mathematico-bio-chemical physicists. And even some economists, god help us.

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Further congratulations are in order: this time, to Paris and Paris on their recent engagement. I'm speaking, of course, of Paris Hilton and her fiance, Paris Latsis, a Greek shipping heir. May your future together go the way of Britney and K-Dog's, and continue to amuse us all. I'm guessing the honeymoon video will come out shortly after the wedding?

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So I'm snacking on mushrooms yesterday, and I reach into my mushroom container, and HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THIS??!?!Posted by Hello

Is that - is that a...
conjoined mushroom!??! YES! YES, it IS! OH MY GOD!! Look at it! Isn't it neat? Look!