Bun, Run*

*You'll get this if you're Chris Canary or John Updike, respectively. Maybe you have to be both? Whatever.

I officially exercised for the first time in over two years today! I’m home for the week in Rockville, and at my mom’s request I went jogging with her in Rock Creek Park (or as I like to call it, “Murder Park”), which happens to extend right into her own backyard. Having not been in touch with the physical condition of my body for a while - in fact, avoiding it, I was picturing a very embarrassing kind of worst case scenario in which my 50-year-old mother was going to show me up by running the length of the path to Aspen Hill while I was still catching my breath 20 steps from our front door. I opened our excursion with several disclaimers to my mom (who has a tendency to get on my case about my couch-potato way of life) about how I would probably need frequent stops and how she should feel free to jog on without me should I lag behind...you know, in the tradition of “Can’t...make...it!! You...go on... ... ...without me!”

My trepidation was not helped by the fact that I am slightly hypochondriacal. I completely freak out at anything out of the ordinary with my body, including any kind of tiny bumps or indications of pain. Again, worst case scenarios present themselves when these abnormalities appear, and I end up arguing with myself over whether or not I have early stages of cancer. (Somehow it’s always the Big C. My medical lexicon is quite limited - probably to my advantage in this situation.) When the occasional bumps or pains disappear on their own (and they always do), my more sensible side feels tremendously vindicated, and yes - there is a huge feeling of relief.

So the image I had of my heart as I began jogging was not a pretty one. It’s huge, bloated - I envisioned it slumping lazily in my chest cavity (padded with pillows of smooth yellow lard), barely able to keep itself upright by its own volition. It beats erratically, struggling to keep pace with the not-that-demanding physical activity of its host. If my heart had a face, it would have that uncomfortable, awkwardly desperate look of constipation. It looked forward to the moment when its forced servitude came to an end. I thought of my childhood friend, Kaity, who I knew (through Facebok) to be an avid runner and a frequent participator of races and marathons and the like. According to a recent blog entry of hers, she had just run 17 miles. I thought about the way her heart must look when she runs. The discrepancy was not encouraging.

Whether or not this was actually the case, I was greeted with the pleasantly surprising sensation of...normality. Jogging felt the same as the last time I did it (which I do not remember). There was no melodramatic heaving of breath nor odd, searing pains in expected places on or in my body. Instead, the unusually cool air felt good on my skin and the primordial and refreshing smell of the surrounding woods enveloped me. It was very quiet and peaceful, with a small handful of occasional passerbys (none of them rapists or murderers) who smiled as they passed us. I became aware of the thoughts in my head - always a good feeling. Mostly, I missed my students very much.

By the time we turned around to head back home, my mom and I had slowed to a brisk walk. She showed me the dance and yoga moves she’d been learning in her classes. (She could definitely show me up in any physical activity.) She told me that our outing was really nice and made no mention of the couple of times that I stopped running and needed a break. She was right - it had been an enjoyable experience.

So I guess my heart is okay, considering my appalling lack of exercise. I’m secretly thankful that bodily organs aren’t capable of spite. Now that I know I won’t die from putting on an exercise bra, I’m more motivated to make myself healthier. I won’t be joining any races anytime soon (unless it’s MarioKart), but maybe I’ll start moving enough to associate exercise with feeling good, and having the time to gather my thoughts for writing. So far, I’m one for one!