Dear Kiefer:
Wow. Just...wow. I'm almost a little speechless. Really, congratulations - you've made an incredible turn-around. You've gone from the B-list actor about whom I knew practically nothing to the living, breathing embodiment of the most badass federal agent to have ever graced television's neon kingdom. Fox Mulder and Sydney Bristow would consider it an honor to fetch you a coffee and cherry Danish.
But seriously, though, Kiefer. Two decades ago, you weren't more than what Wikipedia calls an "auxiliary member of the [Rat] Pack." You made two films with Corey Feldman. You were lucky - lucky! - to have escaped the embarrassment of VH1's "Where Are They Now." I present, as well, Exhibit A:
That is a photo of you with Richard Marx. His 1997 greatest hits CD currently sells on Amazon for $7.97. I'm sure no one reading this has any idea who he is, possibly yourself included.
But now? Holy shit, Kiefer, now you are fine. You are damn fiiine. You're my desktop background. On a slow day, I'll watch you for six to seven hours straight on back episodes of 24. I'd gladly spend the rest of my life as one of Jack Bauer's undershirts if it would mean clinging to your sweaty, sculpted, and at times, bloody, chest. And your overflowing sex appeal is not just limited to the fairer sex either. I know a slew of straight men who would strip away their claim to heterosexuality without a second thought for a bedroom romp with your gun-toting alter-ego. Do you understand this, Kiefer? Everbody wants you.
Anyway, if you're still reading this in the hopes of finding some deeper insight into your acting, I should say now that the whole point of this letter was to talk about how hot you are. I'm sure you've got a lot of wisdom to share about the whole Hollywood experience and being Donald Sutherland's son and all, but I really don't think that will be necessary.
A big fan,
Amy
1 comment:
haha amy you're obsessed with 24.
i like it =)
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