Lightning Round, Part I

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After paying my DSL and Express bills for this month, I have a grand total of $10* left over in my checking account.

MattDMan14: hah are you kidding me? that's brilliant
MattDMan14: it's like, your budget is perfectly balanced
o0 freelancer 0o: no, that does NOT indicate my budget is perfectly balanced
o0 freelancer 0o: it indicates that i am totally fucked

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If I shave off 9** seconds from my combined Beginner, Intermediate, and Expert Minesweeper times, I will qualify to be in the World Rankings for Minesweeper. To qualify, the combined times of all levels must be 99 seconds or lower. Someday, in the near future, I will join the prestigious list of names such as Arne Vestrheim of Norway (99 seconds), Lau Tai Leong of Singapore (79 seconds), and Matt McGrinley of the USA (62 seconds).

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I'm going to see Rilo Kiley on May 28th at the 9:30 Club with Stumpy McNoleggs! If anyone wants to join us, get your tickets at the 9:30 Club website before they sell out!


April 26th update:
* $5
** 7 seconds

On Self-Love

Congrats, Bennifer II!
I know it's Ben Affleck, but if Jennifer Garner is getting engaged to be married, I can be nothing but happy for her. Here is a well-distributed photo of the lovey-dovey couple from several months ago. May your relationship outlive that of Bennifer I.



Now back to our regularly-scheduled programming.

It's usually smart to not get overly personal on any kind of public Internet forum - unless it's Kojak hitting on girls on the Jolt because that is hilarious - because who knows who reads this thing? There is an entire sector of my buddy list consisting of people I have not seen in six years, and the last thing I want to do is bore them to death by talking about my feelings and other such girly, blog-like things. But lately I've had a lot of me teased out by certain inquisitive (and smooth-talking) parties, so I say why not? After four months of entertaining readers with my far more inane and mind-numbing a-chasm blog (RIP), I think I deserve some Amy-time.

So here goes: (shield eyes if you really just don't give a shit)

It's been about two months since I became single again. I'd like to attribute my very smooth transition out of the three-year relationship to simply being good at putting things behind me, as opposed to being callous (which I'd like to think I'm not). I always said that all things being equal, I'd rather be single than be in a relationship because I really think very little can compare to the liberating feeling of being completely independent and self-reliant. I still fully stand by that idea.

So many people I know have told me that they always want someone to be there for them, to catch them when they fall. Or more likely - to give them validation, to boost their egos, to make them comfortable. There is such an intense fear of being alone when I think that being on your own while young is one of the strongest and self-sustaining things a person can experience. There should be nothing secure and comfortable about living as a 20-year-old. Looking back on my relationship, I can say that I never had an unhappy or insecure moment - but in the end, what does that do for me? Why is contentment and security held in such a high regard? Doesn't anybody else think that sometimes the best things that can happen to a person in life are harsh and cutting?

Joseph Conrad was dead-on when he said, "We live as we dream - alone." I am of the strong belief that ultimately, we are all on our own. We will always be lonely. Because on some very real level, we are completely and utterly detached and remote from other human beings. No, that is not a comfortable thought, but nor is it severe and devastating. It is sad, haunting, and extremely beautiful because only then do we come to the realization of ourselves. There can be relationships and lovers and flings and 'til-death-do-us-parts, but in the end, there is only going to be one person we can truly connect with, who we can understand, and who will unfailingly always be there for us. Some people spend their whole lives looking for that person, but I think it's completely worth braving the solitude for.

So I'm an extroverted idiot.

What in the hell is this? These online dating personality test results (see below) lead me to strongly question the reliability and accuracy of Internet quizzes (although I still stand by the Spark Test that declares me to be a woman, and that 48% of their testers were more male than me and 44% more female than me). But in all honesty, I am shocked - shocked - that of the 10 traits I was rated on, intellect came in dead last. "Big-hearted" came in 5 places before "Intellectual"! What kind of bullshit is that? And I think most people will agree that I'm way funnier than I am adventurous (although I think having gone wading in a Baltimore sewage creek qualifies as somewhat adventurous:)

o0 freelancer 0o: so apparently there are "do not go into the water at any cost" signs all over that creek we waded in last year
XPhyIe: hmmm
XPhyIe: thats no good :-P

But back to my "Date Match Profile." A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life? What hole in my life? Bah, what do they know about me.

So yeah...take the damn quiz and let me know if we should get married.

Your dating personality profile: Outgoing - You can liven up any party. You've got a way with people and have little difficulty charming your dates. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited.

Your date match profile: Liberal - You need a person who has liberal opinions and beliefs. You are engaged by political discussions and would find a liberal viewpoint refreshing in a date. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Outgoing 2. Liberal 3. Sensual 4. Adventurous 5. Big-Hearted 6. Wealthy/Ambitious 7. Stylish 8. Funny 9. Romantic 10. Intellectual

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Liberal 2. Practical 3. Big-Hearted 4. Adventurous 5. Funny 6. Outgoing 7. Romantic 8. Intellectual 9. Wealthy/Ambitious 10. Sensual

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

Why are corndogs so magically delicious?

My brain has been picked way too much lately - I've spent the past few days explaining the difference between my love of Neil Young versus my love of Bob Dylan, whether or not there is permanence in romantic love, my philosophy on putting the past behind oneself, and so forth. But I think the fact of the matter is: when people devote time and energy to probing the depths of some much-discussed subject, that subject better fucking be about which potential celebrity pregnancies would overshadow that of Britney Spears'.

I'm not saying I'm above the masses - I read E!Online's various gossip columns as often as the unemployed housewife next door. So, in honor of that, as well a taking a much needed break from thought-inducing philosophical inquiries, here's a list of lighter questions I've found myself pondering recently:

1. Should I risk waiting for this Abercrombie tube dress to go on sale even more, or should I just buy it now for 30 bucks????
2. Why don't people understand that me and my love of the Spice Girls come as one package????
3. Why is there no Facebook group devoted to Lost????
4. What am I going to do the 24 flavored condoms the Health and Wellness nurse gave me????
5. When is the Season 3 DVD set of the NYPD Blue going to be released????
6. Do guys back-compare the attractiveness of their girlfriends????
7. Why the fuck am I still up at 4:00 in the morning writing in my blog????

4/17 update:
I changed the settings so that people can comment anonymously without registering. Please don't let this turn into the Daily Jolt - I'm setting the "in my pants" quota at 5 per day.

Editor - Writer Confidentiality

I had my first ever official editing job this past weekend, editing and commenting on three submissions for J.Mag. I hate to confess this because it makes me sound despotic and overbearing, but it was an absolute power trip. I was in a position to delete, rearrange, or insert anything I believed was necessary, and if I thought the pieces were hackneyed, dry, irrelevant, or terrible I absolutely could tell the writers in the harshest terms possible and they wouldn't be able to do anything but take it. The phrase "abuse of power" comes to mind. Ohhhh yeeeahh....

But of course, with great power comes great responsibility, blah blah blah. *sigh* I restrained myself and retained my civility with very constructive and helpful comments. The tricky thing about editing, I've discovered, is that you have to straddle the thin line between preserving the writer's style while adding useful insights that will inevitably be peppered with your own personality and experiences. It's especially tough with writers who are still struggling to define their voice, because it is so tempting push your own style on them. When I think about it, editing is a lot like being a shrink. You don't push your own solutions - you can only give insights and help them find their own voice.

Well, I'm listening to Rilo Kiley and relaxing after a really long day, and I'm way too distracted to offer a you a nice little conclusion. This entry will just have to end abruptly, without even a period

Week of April 3rd: The Best and the Worst

The Best
4/7 Ryan Carroll
Remember making new friends as a little kid? Before you learned how to put up a front or to calculate your every action, when you just laid your true self out there - take it or leave it? Such is making new friends with Ryan Carroll - even if via instant messenger. That is, if you can even call it "making new friends" because talking to him for the first time was like jumping straight into a conversation with an old, comfortable friend. All those things that make a conversation good - letting down your guard, sharing deep thoughts you'd always kept to yourself, going "Holy shit! You too??", and let's not forget shameless, shameless flirting - made staying up until 4:00 doing logic homework seem not that bad. But seriously, when was the last time anybody met someone who didn't act too aloof or try too hard not to say the wrong things? At a place like Hopkins, Ryan Carroll is an absolute breath of fresh air.

4/7 Rilo Kiley
For a long time I've been looking for good music with a female lead, and...well, here it is. I like them because they're earnest, unpretentious, and some of their songs remind me of little snapshots of my own memories. They put a refreshing spin on the banality of life, and if I'm about anything, it's the banality of life. Check out: Portions For Foxes, Teenage Love Song, and My Slumbering Heart.

4/8 LAX: JHU v. Duke
Granted, I could have been much more drunk for this, as the action was kind of slow during many parts of the game. But the ending (that is, the second overtime) was worth it. There's nothing I love more than seeing Duke get their faces smashed into the mud, and then put through a blender. Also, I learned that Chris lost his virginity at the age of 16 in a trailer park in Pittsburgh. Despite the total hick factor, that's kind of hot.

4/4 - current The Weather
It is fucking gorgeous outside. If you're reading this from the HAC lab, D-level, or if you're reading this at all, stop immediately and go take a walk or climb a tree or something. It's okay to enjoy life sometimes.

Really.

The Worst
4/6 Boone Dies
So I was utterly, utterly wrong in my predictions of who would get offed the island on Lost this season. Good thing I didn't put a wager on it. I have to say I am extremely relieved that it wasn't Jack, even though he was my prime candidate. I did expect J.J. to pick someone a little more controversial to kill off since he never really played it safe on Alias (although on Alias everyone comes back from the dead sooner or later). Boone was definitely a safe character to have die since we haven't had a chance to really become attached to him. Still...it's sad whenever we lose a member of Lost. Boone, you will be missed.

4/7 Logic Homework
I have never seen more universal consternation towards a homework assignment (although keep in mind I'm a psych major and the homework assignments I'm used to are limited to readings and coloring within the lines). I can say without hesitation that my mental capabilities were violently raped by translations such as "There is a subject that is liked by any student who likes any subject at all." I spent the majority of class on Friday frantically trying to finish the homework - along with about 50% of the class. In the words of Ryan, sleeping with Achenstein (the Logic prof) to pass the class is no longer a contingency plan - it's at the top of the list.

4/12 - current No Kojak
I understand that Kojak had to go back to Nigeria for a week for a funeral. And to see his family. But that doesn't mean I still can't be sad he's gone. :-(

I am a giant fucking tard: this is the TardBlog.

Let it be noted that the slow but steady general atrophying of my brain has officially begun. I left for class this morning without my keys. Or my wallet. I realized the latter at the exact moment I came to the head of a very long line during lunch time at Subway, as the Subway employee was wrapping up my 6-inch roast beef sub. Needless to say, I hurried the fuck out of there and didn't turn back.

My motion abilities have apparently also begun to be affected by the brain degeneration. While maneuvering through a long row of seats in my public policy class later this afternoon, I snagged my skirt on a table corner. The side of the skirt ripped, and...well, I flashed Dylan Selterman an eyeful of ass. Okay, maybe it wasn't an eyeful, but it was definitely an inappropriate amount for a classroom setting. As for whether seeing the side of my butt was a good experience or an altogether scarring one is not really for me to assess (haha, assess), but Dylan did not appear to go blind at any point during the class.