I know it's Ben Affleck, but if Jennifer Garner is getting engaged to be married, I can be nothing but happy for her. Here is a well-distributed photo of the lovey-dovey couple from several months ago. May your relationship outlive that of Bennifer I.
Now back to our regularly-scheduled programming.
It's usually smart to not get overly personal on any kind of public Internet forum - unless it's Kojak hitting on girls on the Jolt because that is hilarious - because who knows who reads this thing? There is an entire sector of my buddy list consisting of people I have not seen in six years, and the last thing I want to do is bore them to death by talking about my feelings and other such girly, blog-like things. But lately I've had a lot of me teased out by certain inquisitive (and smooth-talking) parties, so I say why not? After four months of entertaining readers with my far more inane and mind-numbing a-chasm blog (RIP), I think I deserve some Amy-time.
So here goes: (shield eyes if you really just don't give a shit)
It's been about two months since I became single again. I'd like to attribute my very smooth transition out of the three-year relationship to simply being good at putting things behind me, as opposed to being callous (which I'd like to think I'm not). I always said that all things being equal, I'd rather be single than be in a relationship because I really think very little can compare to the liberating feeling of being completely independent and self-reliant. I still fully stand by that idea.
So many people I know have told me that they always want someone to be there for them, to catch them when they fall. Or more likely - to give them validation, to boost their egos, to make them comfortable. There is such an intense fear of being alone when I think that being on your own while young is one of the strongest and self-sustaining things a person can experience. There should be nothing secure and comfortable about living as a 20-year-old. Looking back on my relationship, I can say that I never had an unhappy or insecure moment - but in the end, what does that do for me? Why is contentment and security held in such a high regard? Doesn't anybody else think that sometimes the best things that can happen to a person in life are harsh and cutting?
Joseph Conrad was dead-on when he said, "We live as we dream - alone." I am of the strong belief that ultimately, we are all on our own. We will always be lonely. Because on some very real level, we are completely and utterly detached and remote from other human beings. No, that is not a comfortable thought, but nor is it severe and devastating. It is sad, haunting, and extremely beautiful because only then do we come to the realization of ourselves. There can be relationships and lovers and flings and 'til-death-do-us-parts, but in the end, there is only going to be one person we can truly connect with, who we can understand, and who will unfailingly always be there for us. Some people spend their whole lives looking for that person, but I think it's completely worth braving the solitude for.
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